Shared Parenting: Better for Everyone

Many divorced parents assume that sharing their children with their ex is going to be worse for everyone involved, for any number of reasons…and they’re very wrong. Shared parenting, when approached with good intention by both sides, is the best path forward for both parents and children.

Two is Better Than One
When it comes to childhood, simply put, having two parents is better than having just one. Children who know that both parents care for them and both parents want them are psychologically stronger and less prone to emotional vulnerability. Research has proven that there is very little confusion caused by having two households, two rulesets, and so on; indeed, children asked would universally prefer that ‘confusion’ to having access to only one parent.

Conflict Creates Conflict
That said, when one or both parents opposes a shared parenting arrangement, most of the benefits thereof go out the window. One study showed that divorced couples that engaged in shared parenting ended up going back to court less than half as often as divorcees that didn’t — unless the shared parenting arrangement was opposed, at which point rates were identical to unsharedd couples’. It should go without saying that low levels of conflict between parents are in the child’s best interests, and parents (and courts!) should make minimizing future conflict a significant goal of any litigation surrounding the divorce of parents.

Shared Parenting Means Reliable Support
When it comes to child support and alimony payments, parents who take sole custody of their children generally only receive support payments about half the time. Parents who share the responsibilities of parenting are significantly more reliable about making support payments — nearly 95% of support payments were made on time in shared parenting situations.

Shared Parenting Avoids Many Aspects of ‘Single Parent’-hood
When you have another parent that is willing and able to share child-rearing duties, you have a kind of support system — even if that’s not how they like to think of the situation. You can, for example, often set up a ‘visit’ that acts as day care for you while you go shopping, go to an interview, or otherwise get your life in order. The child gets a loving parent instead of a professional sitter, and you get to save the money and stress of dealing with that sitter. That’s the kind of thing that goes a long way toward preventing burnout.

There Are Disadvantages, Too
On the fair side, there certainly can be problems with shared parenting, particularly if you and the other parent get into a lot of conflict. Persistent, aggravated conflict between parents, or even between a parent and the other parent’s new significant other, can cause a lot of negative emotions in children, culminating in pathological bitterness. Shared parenting means always living near the other parent, or having the ability to make long trips to stick to the shared parenting agreement. But perhaps worst of all is the tendency for some shared parents to put the child in the middle, using them to deliver messages, obtain ‘inside’ information, and otherwise attempt to control or manipulate their spouse. Situations like these should be converted into single-parenting situations immediately.

Do you think you could share the parenting role with your ex? Do you need to convert your shared parenting agreement into something less abusive toward your child? Call Gucciardo Family Law today at (248) 723-5190 and let us do what we can to help.