Ending a Destructive Relationship
It’s not easy to break away from someone you love, even when that person is destructive to you. If you weren’t getting something that you wanted and needed out of the relationship, you wouldn’t be in the relationship in the first place. But a dysfunctional relationship takes more out of your life than it gives you — and the only way to get your peace, joy, and most importantly your self back is to get away.
Take Charge
The first and most important step to ending a destructive relationship is to get away for several days. One night away isn’t enough to get your head straight — you need to prove to yourself that you have other options, and that you can survive on a day-to-day basis without the abusive person in your life. Take a week, and find a place — any other place, whether it’s a friend, a family member, or a shelter — that you can stay and live without contact.
Boundaries and Value
There’s a common misconception that building boundaries between yourself and an abusive partner shows that you no longer care for them — and in fact they will frequently make that accusation to your face given the chance. You need to be aware of the truth: that as long as you are attached to this person who exerts such a strong influence over your life, you cannot learn who you are. Shaping your life so that you are valuable to them isn’t working, so it’s time to learn how to become valuable to yourself, on your own terms.
Don’t Feed the Troll
The Internet has taught us some interesting things about human nature, but one of the most profound in terms of relationships is this: a person who decides that they need your attention will do anything, including surprisingly vile and pathetic things, to get it. If you give them any response, they win, because they’re not looking for approval — just attention.
Once you’ve decided that separating from them is what is right for you, any contact whatsoever between the two of you is just going to be feeding the troll, giving them the impression that maybe there’s a chance they can get what they want out of you after all. Better to just cut them off completely except as is absolutely required to finish separating your life from theirs. The less contact they have with you, the less they’ll be inclined to believe that there’s a future for them with you.
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