Watching Your Kids Leave With Your Ex
It’s hard, after a divorce, to get used to being a single parent with custody. Without your ex to depend on for simple things like watching the kid while you run to the store (or vice versa), it can seem like everyday tasks take twice as long and the number of tasks there are to accomplish doubles at the same time.
But for all of that, being a single parent in some ways is the easy part…the hard part is saying goodbye to your child, knowing that your former spouse has custody. Even if you got custody for most of the year, the non-custodial spouse often gets to take the child for alternating weekends plus a month or more during the summer.
So how do you make the pain of watching your kid leave with your ex tolerable?
Plan Your Time
Rather than having your child lost and sitting down to binge-watch Netflix, take advantage. Plan with your ex when they’re planning on taking and returning with your child(ren), and schedule time to really focus on the things you’ve wanted to get done but haven’t been able to because you’re a parent first. Take a class, clean the basement, visit Hawaii with your college girlfriend — whatever it takes to fill your days with things that are fulfilling and make you feel like you’re accomplishing something important with your time.
Stay in Touch
Insist on receiving an itinerary from your ex, and on getting a phone call from your kids every second day. Double-check with them that they’re where the itinerary says they are, so you can be sure that you know what’s going on with them and that they’re in good hands. That will keep your stress level to a minimum and allow you to keep focus on your personal time. Stay positive when you talk to them; you don’t want to lessen the value of their time with their other parent.
You’re Not Parenting Right Now
When your ex has the kid(s), you’re not parenting. It’s their turn to parent, and it’s your responsibility to allow them to parent however they see fit. Use your time to exercise control of the parts of your life that you don’t usually have time for, and be grateful every day for that opportunity.
If you make a habit of gratitude for these opportunities for time to focus on yourself, you’ll find that in time, you look forward to having your ex do the parenting for a little while…and that’s exactly where you should be.
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We focus exclusively on family law matters so we are always available to answer your questions and help.
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