Once your family has successfully weathered the storm of divorce, you might want to breathe a sigh of relief. However, there may be new challenges on the horizon. For divorced parents with school-age children, the first school year after divorce can be emotionally and logistically difficult.
In this article, we’ll take a closer look at how to navigate the school year while supporting your child.
Handling Schedules
You and your child’s other parent may understandably be concerned about scheduling during your first post-divorce school year. The parenting plan you created as part of your divorce will serve as your guide, but there are a few additional steps you can take to make the experience smoother for everyone involved.
Inform the School of Your Custody Agreement
When your child’s school has a copy of your custody agreement (or at least a document detailing when your child will be staying with each parent), school administrators will know who to call in the event of a late pickup or an emergency.
Keeping the school informed has benefits that go beyond the logistical. Divorce can be extremely emotionally challenging for kids, and some may become more withdrawn or develop behavioral issues. When your child’s teachers understand that they’re navigating a divorce, they might be better equipped to support them through the change.
Take the Time to Synchronize Schedules
Even if you and your ex-spouse have a strong co-parenting relationship, confusion over scheduling can easily lead to frustration. To make sure everyone is on the same page, consider using an online calendar app to map out custody exchanges, parent-teacher conferences, and other important events.
Establish a Predictable Routine for Your Child
Your child’s first school year after your divorce can be a major adjustment for both parents, but it’s an even bigger change for your child. If you and your ex-spouse can establish similar bedtimes and morning routines for your child, it can help reduce the stress of moving from one household to another.
Depending on your child’s age, establishing a routine might include keeping your child apprised of upcoming custody exchanges. This step doesn’t have to be complex. Even something as simple as a color-coded calendar showing time at each parent’s house can offer your child a sense of security and predictability.
Showing Up for Your Child
After a divorce, children often wonder if both parents will show up to parent-teacher conferences or other school events. If you and your ex-spouse have a civil relationship, that might not be an issue.
However, in many cases, one parent won’t attend a school event if the other parent is there. Or if both parents attend, they might give one another the silent treatment. If at all possible, make an effort to be there for your child during major events.
You should also do your best to keep your focus on your child as they adjust to the school year. Avoid the temptation to speak disparagingly about your ex-spouse in front of your child, and never use your child as a messenger between yourself and your ex.
Making Transitions Smoother
You’re probably familiar with the stress of feeling like you’re forgetting something when packing for a trip. For a child adjusting to moving between parents’ houses, that feeling can become almost constant.
Buying doubles of daily necessities means that your child doesn’t have to worry about forgetting something critical at the other parent’s house. Consider stocking these essentials at your home and your ex-spouse’s home:
- A basic wardrobe (including clothing, socks, shoes, underwear, and pajamas)
- Toothbrush and toothpaste
- A car seat (if needed)
- A backpack and lunchbox
- Shampoo, body wash, and other miscellaneous toiletries
- Stuffed animals, blankets, or other comfort items
Some items (like prescription medications and laptops) might not be practical or possible to duplicate. Depending on your child’s age, you might give them a laminated list of these items or communicate with the other parent to verify that they’ve been packed before a custody exchange.
Sometimes, parents are so stressed about custody exchanges themselves that they forget about the child’s well-being. Although it might seem simpler to exchange custody at school, this is something you should avoid. Many children are embarrassed or self-conscious about custody exchanges in front of their peers.
Keeping Communication Open
As you might have already discovered, clear and open communication makes coparenting simpler. To make sure both of you are involved and on the same page, you might consider setting a brief weekly check-in to discuss any concerns about your child, upcoming school events, or general updates.
You and your ex-spouse should also be in agreement about how to inform one another of last-minute schedule changes. Having a backup childcare option you both approve of can help reduce stress.
Paying Attention to Your Child’s Emotions
Managing your own emotions as a newly divorced parent can be difficult. However, you and your ex-spouse should also be vigilant for signs that your child is having trouble coping.
Some children may come to you and discuss their feelings directly, but others won’t. These are a few signs that your child might need more support as they adjust to this major life change:
- Behavioral changes
- Declining grades or disruptive classroom behavior
- Ongoing complaints of headaches or stomachaches
- Social withdrawal
If your child worries that the divorce was somehow their fault, that’s another sign that they may need more support and reassurance. Sometimes, taking the time to discuss your child’s feelings with them is enough. But if problems persist, it may be worth speaking to a therapist who treats children.
Need Help Navigating Divorce?
If you’re in the midst of a divorce or a custody battle (or think you may be soon), you might be unsure of what to do. Divorce has the potential to upend family life as you know it, and its many uncertainties can be overwhelming for children and adults.
The Gucciardo Law Firm is here to support every client through some of the most difficult times of their lives. If you’re looking for legal support and guidance with divorce, custody, or another family law concern, get in touch to see how we may be able to help.
