Divorce is difficult for anyone. But when you have small children, it also involves coordinating schedules, finding new ways to manage your time, and helping your kids adjust to this monumental change.
If you and your ex-spouse have small children together, navigating that first summer after your divorce is finalized comes with plenty of challenges of its own. Here’s a look at common problems newly divorced parents face during this time and how you and your children can enjoy a summer that’s memorable for all the right reasons.
What Makes the First Post-Divorce Summer Difficult?
You might already have a sense of the hurdles you may face going into this year’s summer vacation. But for many parents of small children, one or more of these potential problems pop up as a complete surprise:
- Young kids might show regressive behaviors, like bedwetting or temper tantrums
- Kids of all ages may struggle to adapt to transitions between houses
- The loss of old routines might make the day-to-day feel chaotic
- Coordinating vacations, summer camps, and daily care with the other parent can be difficult
- Balancing work and parenting without the help of the other parent is a major adjustment
- If your relationship with the other parent is strained, miscommunication or even communication in general can lead to conflict
It’s important to remember that the first summer after divorce is the hardest for many parents. As your family creates new routines and all of you adjust to your new normal, you can expect things to become easier.
Tips for Getting Through the First Summer After Divorce
If you finalized your divorce during the school year, your kids’ school and extracurricular schedules may have made the transition simpler. But with summer on the horizon, you might feel like you have no roadmap. These tips can help you manage.
Start by Creating a Detailed Summer Plan
Over the course of your divorce, you and your ex-spouse likely created a parenting plan. That plan may or may not have included summer scheduling.
Even if you did address summer routines when creating your plan, sit down with your ex-spouse once you have exact dates for kids’ summer camps, work schedules, and planned vacations. Spending a few hours creating a detailed plan might seem tedious, but it can save you time, stress, and hassle later on.
Make sure your plan at least includes the following:
- Each parent’s exact vacation dates
- Pick-up and drop-off times
- Financial responsibility for kids’ summer camps and activities
- Reasonable rules for calling/contacting the kids during the other parent’s time
- Whether each parent should offer the other a chance to spend time with the children before hiring a babysitter
If you and/or your ex-spouse are technologically inclined, a digital calendar tool might make it easier to sync schedules and avoid confusion.
Do Your Best to Be Flexible
Even with a detailed plan, the unexpected can still happen. Doing your best to be flexible when the other parent has a last-minute conflict often means that the other parent will make an effort to cooperate with you in the future.
Keep Communication Open
Having a summer co-parenting plan might reduce the need to communicate with your ex-spouse, but it doesn’t eliminate it. Respectful communication goes a long way. Just remember to keep things focused on the kids, and if your ex becomes hostile, do your best not to escalate.
It’s critically important to avoid using your children as messengers. If you need to ask a question or have something you need to tell your ex, always contact them directly.
Set a Routine
Divorce is something that takes kids out of their usual routines. During the summer, they don’t have the usual school routine, either.
Creating a predictable schedule for your kids is an important way to help them feel secure. By keeping morning, bedtime, and mealtime routines stable, you’ll make it easier and less stressful for your kids to adapt.
Take Some Time for Yourself
If you’re used to being able to spend the entire summer with your kids, it’s easy to feel lonely or even guilty when they’re with the other parent.
Adjusting to divorce is challenging for adults, too, so take this time to do something that benefits you in some way. You might catch up on work, spend time with friends, pick up an old hobby, or just relax and recharge.
Encourage Your Kids to Make New Memories
Helping your kids get excited about spending time with the other parent might not seem like much. However, doing so can ease their anxiety and help them avoid feeling guilty for talking about plans with the other parent.
If you want to take it a step further, give each of your kids a small “summer box” to store mementos from time with both parents. If your kids like to take pictures, you might consider helping them make a photo album of their time with the other parent.
It can also be helpful for all of you to create new traditions in your new family setup. Maybe you decide to order pizza on Fridays or go to the playground every Sunday. Even small rituals will give your kids a better sense of security and well-being.
Focus on the Small Moments
Sometimes, parents feel pressured to plan elaborate visits or buy extravagant gifts to make up for the loss of time with their children. Remember that your kids primarily want to spend time with you. Often, it’s little moments like family dinners grilled outside, days in the park, or going to the pool together that create the best memories.
Going Through a Divorce in Michigan?
Whether you’re in the midst of a divorce or have recently finalized one, new challenges can seem never-ending. The experienced team at Gucciardo Family Law is here to offer more than just legal advice. We believe in the importance of empathy, guidance, and unwavering support.
If you need help navigating divorce in Michigan or the period after it, contact us today to see how we may be able to assist.
