Going through a divorce can be one of the most stressful experiences of your life, especially if you have children and are facing a custody battle.
Sometimes, deciding on custody is a simple and amicable process in which all parties agree, but all too often, it can become a drawn-out war that could put your emotional well-being, as well as that of your child, at risk. These worst-case scenarios require a clear understanding of your rights.
If you are going through a high-conflict custody battle, it’s essential to prioritize a few key strategies. The following 10 tips can make coping with this kind of legal conflict in Michigan a bit easier.
1. Prioritize Your Child’s Emotional Needs
It’s normal to be drawn into the conflicts that the other parent creates. They may be looking to get a rise out of you, and that can lead you to place your child’s best interests on the back burner.
Custody battles tend to transform into power struggles between the parents, who are so wrapped up in their disagreements that they overlook what the child is going through. Your child is not immune to the emotional effects of divorce or separation.
Even if they’re young, they can still feel the tension between you and the other parent, and that can impact them emotionally and even physically. Children can become more anxious or experience more frequent crying spells when they lack stability and security.
Your child’s emotional stability should be your top priority. You can help them feel supported by maintaining their routines. You may feel the need to take them out of their extracurricular activities, for example, to spend more time with them, but that can harm their emotional health. Be consistent so that they don’t feel their world is completely upside down.
Not only will this help your child feel more stable as the custody battle continues, but it can reflect well on you later on. Judges will look at whether you focus on your child’s well-being as opposed to your need to win the custody battle.
2. Stay Calm
High-conflict custody battles churn up a lot of tough emotions. The other parent could bring up all manner of false claims about you or could try to rile you up in any way they can. There is a purpose to that strategy: they are trying to show that you are not fit to care for your child.
If you respond with aggression, whether by shouting, making false claims, or engaging in any other similar behavior, you will be giving them exactly what they want. Instead, you must remain calm and let them vent without taking the bait.
Allow all of their aggression to fall off you, and only focus on what matters. Staying calm is particularly vital in court. The judge will be looking at how both parents behave during the custody hearings. They will be assessing what is best for the child, so if one parent seems to be aggressive and unpredictable, the court will hesitate to give them custody.
Maintaining civility is important for your child, too. They need to see you treat their other parent with as much respect as possible. Despite the conflict you’re experiencing, try not to alienate your child from their other parent.
3. Keep Records of Parenting Efforts
You can expect the other parent to claim that you are not involved in your child’s life. They may prevent you from seeing them and then state that you never attempted to spend time with them in the first place.
It’s vital that you keep detailed records of all of your parenting efforts. If you go to your child’s school to speak with teachers, keep the emails or letters related to that visit. If you took your child to medical appointments, make sure to record that, too.
If you try to coordinate visitation schedules but face issues with the other parent, keep a record of all of this, too. Text messages, screenshots, or even a contemporaneous journal entry can help. These efforts are essential. They can paint you in a favorable light, while the other parent can suffer in the court’s eyes if they refuse to cooperate.
4. Be Careful on Social Media
Everyone posts everything online these days, but you should leave anything related to custody battles out of social media. All aspects of your life will come under scrutiny as the judge appointed to your case assesses whether granting you custody would be in your child’s best interests.
If they see you attacking the other parent on social media or there’s evidence of any type of questionable behavior, this can be an issue during a hearing. Before you post anything on social media, consider whether it would reflect badly on you if it were brought up in court as evidence.
For many people, the best option is to stop posting on social media completely until they resolve the custody issues. Even once there is a court ruling on custody, you will still need to be careful when you post so that you don’t give the other parent grounds to challenge the ruling.
5. Shield Your Children From the Conflict
Never badmouth the other parent in front of your child. You have to remember that the other parent is important to your child, so speaking ill of them can backfire.
You should also never use your children as messengers to communicate with the other parent. Do not use your kids in the ongoing arguments. That’s the case even if they are teenagers. They may ask questions to better understand what is happening, but you should not burden them with all of the details.
Always offer age-appropriate responses to your child’s questions about the divorce or separation. When you do this, make sure that your child knows that both parents love them and that professionals will help resolve the conflict.
It’s very common for children to assume the worst when their parents are getting a divorce. They may think that one of the parents winning the custody battle will mean that they won’t see the other parent again.
Reassure them that the court’s priority is to protect the parent-child relationship in the safest way possible. If allowing the child to have a connection with both parents is in their best interests, then that will be the court’s goal.
6. Speak With a Family Therapist
These proceedings are difficult for you and your child. They can cause psychological harm that you may not know how to address. By speaking with a family therapist, you and your child can get assistance to manage powerful emotions.
A family therapist can also help you understand how to co-parent more easily. This is never easy to do, but it can be especially difficult in a high-conflict custody dispute. They can offer tools for better managing your stress levels, which can make a difference when dealing with a long, drawn-out custody battle.
If you’re struggling to communicate effectively with your child, therapy sessions can offer the chance to do so more easily. You can learn strategies for handling difficult conversations about the legal process and what a divorce is like.
7. Comply With All Court Orders
It can be difficult to adhere to all court orders if you don’t agree with them. You may want to interpret them your own way, but that’s not a good idea. Taking liberties with court orders shows that you don’t take your child’s well-being or your commitment to offering them the support they need seriously.
It can be particularly difficult to honor a visitation schedule. Life can get in the way, leading to changes. Keep in mind that the other parent can use all of that against you. If you miss a visit because of work or you return the child later than you were supposed to, they may bring that up in court.
If situations do arise in which you cannot fully comply with court orders, ensure that you have evidence that you did your best. The court could be lenient if it sees you made the effort to follow its orders but were ultimately unable to due to factors outside your control.
It’s also important to know when you will not be able to comply with the court order. If circumstances change, you will need to schedule another hearing to prevent further problems. A regular lack of compliance with court orders can end with you losing custody, so address this problem as early as you can.
8. Use Effective Communication Strategies
Communicating with the other parent can be treacherous if there is animosity. You may be unable to have a conversation without it becoming a fight. Fortunately, there are modes of communicating that can help you keep the peace. Co-parenting apps can make these interactions simpler and allow you to keep a copy of all conversations so that you can use them in court.
If you receive inflammatory messages, avoid responding immediately. Allow yourself time to cool off. Additionally, consider bringing your lawyer into these conversations. If you email each other, add them to the exchange. Having another person in the loop makes a difference.
Focus on facts and not emotions when you communicate with the other parent. When dealing with scheduling issues, try to leave anger and personal history out of the conversation.
9. Focus on the Future
It’s easy to get bogged down by the present and every single negative interaction you have with the other parent, but that’s not the end goal. You’re striving to have access to your child so that you can provide them with the love and support they need.
Focus on what your child’s life will look like after the divorce. What would make them happiest? How can you contribute to that happiness? All of the decisions that you make should align with that goal.
Although it’s easier said than done, trying to build a more positive relationship with the other parent is one of the most important steps to take for your child. Accomplishing this could mean trying to get both of you to attend therapy sessions or to attempt mediation.
10. Work With an Experienced Family Law Attorney
When you undergo complex legal procedures that trigger strong reactions, having a professional to advocate for you is essential. You can be confident that the other parent has an attorney by their side. It’s never a good idea to go to family court without representation.
An attorney will know how to present a strong case regarding custody. They will be able to help you gather evidence to counter the other parent’s statements and demonstrate that you are a fit parent who is fully involved in your child’s life.
Even out of court, having an attorney makes a significant difference in preventing your relationship with the other parent from becoming even more contentious. Your attorney can communicate with your co-parent’s lawyer when necessary, making it easier to avoid arguments.
Attorneys will also be able to offer the ongoing support you need throughout the custody process. They will be able to tell you exactly what to expect from Michigan family court proceedings so that you never feel blindsided. If you need to make changes to custody arrangements, you can depend on your lawyer to handle this for you.
Protect Your Rights During a High-Conflict Custody Battle
If you’re dealing with a high-conflict custody battle in Michigan, don’t wait to get the assistance you need. You should not have to go through this alone.
At Gucciardo Family Law, we have decades of experience assisting the people of Michigan. We have the knowledge, skills, and resources to tackle even the most complex custody cases. By hiring experienced family law attorneys, you can receive the support you need through every stage of your case.
Contact Gucciardo Family Law to speak with one of our trusted attorneys and make a plan to move forward with confidence.
