Some parties can divorce amicably or at least without conflict. However, some will generate hard feelings and a protracted or heated legal battle. After a contentious divorce, you may be left with feelings ranging from exhaustion to anger.
However, your acts after a contentious divorce can expose you to legal risks. Avoiding the following common mistakes can help you move past your divorce and avoid reopening old wounds.
Alienating Your Children From Your Ex-Spouse
Bad mouthing and complaining about your ex-spouse is a natural response to a contentious divorce. However, doing this in front of your children might result in you losing your custody rights.
Parental alienation happens when one parent turns a child against the other parent. The following acts could be considered alienating:
- Lying about the other parent
- Expressing baseless criticisms
- Causing the child to fear their parent
- Gaslighting the child about their parent
- Persuading the child to believe the other parent abused them
- Manipulating the child by withholding affection when the child talks about the other parent
Parental alienation erodes the child’s relationship with their parent. However, it can also damage your child’s mental health, causing depression and loneliness. As such, some judges view parental alienation as a form of emotional abuse.
Judges must take your child’s best interests into account when deciding custody and parenting time. When you alienate your child from your ex-spouse, a judge could deprive you of custody, limit your parenting time, or require supervision during your visits.
This is not to say that you cannot express criticism about your ex-spouse. However, you should only do it with appropriate parties, such as a therapist or friend.
Running Back to Court for Every Dispute
After a rancorous divorce, you might believe that you need the court every time a dispute arises between you and your ex-spouse. However, once the divorce is over and a divorce decree has been issued, you may find it more constructive to have your lawyer contact your ex-spouse’s lawyer to try to resolve the dispute without filing a court motion.
Aside from being quicker and less expensive than fighting in court, negotiating with the other lawyer might produce a better outcome. While a judge must choose one side or the other, a compromise reached by the lawyers might produce a win-win solution to the dispute.
Finally, most judges expect you to try to resolve disputes without the court’s intervention. If you immediately run to court when a disagreement arises, the judge may ask you to try to work something out before intervening.
Sitting on Your Rights
At the same time, you should not sit on your rights. If you have a genuinely significant dispute, you should not be afraid to protect your rights simply because of the acrimony you previously experienced. Instead, you should contact your lawyer and identify the best way to fight for your position.
For example, if you were awarded a piece of property in the divorce decree but your ex-spouse refuses to turn it over, you should consult a lawyer to understand all your options for recovering your property. These can include filing a motion with the judge.
However, your lawyer will likely have other suggestions, including contacting your ex-spouse’s lawyer to resolve the problem without going to court.
Importantly, a lawyer provides an important buffer between you and your ex-spouse. Although the lawyers must follow their clients’ instructions, they will also provide objective analyses to their clients.
These analyses will be free from the emotion that can cloud a person’s judgment after a contentious divorce. Instead, they will focus on the law and the terms of the final divorce judgment.
Violating Your Divorce Decree
The final judgment, also called a divorce decree, sets out the terms of your divorce. Married couples create a web of entangled rights and responsibilities. The final judgment unwinds these and sets the conditions for the ex-spouses’ separate lives.
However, there are often ongoing obligations between the ex-spouses. Specifically, child custody, child support, and spousal support will continue after the divorce is final.
You might be tempted to take out your frustrations and anger on your ex-spouse by falling short on your obligations. You might delay handing off your child for your ex-spouse’s parenting time. You may underpay your child support or alimony, or deliberately miss the deadline.
These tactics are risky. If you transparently violate your divorce decree, you potentially increase the acrimony between you and your ex-spouse. Worse yet, you hand them the grounds to pursue sanctions against you. This will usually begin with a motion and a show-cause hearing.
If you are found to be in contempt of court, the judge could punish you by ordering you to pay your ex-spouse’s attorney fees, assessing a fine, or even jailing you.
Cutting Off Necessary Communication
While talking to your ex-spouse after a contentious divorce may be uncomfortable, it may be necessary. Issues concerning your children, support payments, or alimony can arise. Communicating with your ex-spouse can resolve minor problems before they become major ones.
When you communicate, avoid personal attacks; just stick to the facts. For example, if you took your child to the doctor and need your ex-spouse to pay half the medical bill, tell them the reason for the doctor visit and send a scan or photo of the bill.
You may try to avoid communicating with your ex-spouse by sending messages through an intermediary, like your child. This can often lead to misunderstandings. If you absolutely cannot talk to your ex-spouse, have your lawyer contact their lawyer.
Taking Major Actions Without Consulting Your Lawyer
Some major post-divorce acts may require a modification of your final divorce judgment. The most common is moving to a different town or state. If you have a custody arrangement, you should consult your lawyer about how to handle the modification.
Specifically, you will likely need to develop a strategy for raising the issues with your ex-spouse and their attorney. After a contentious divorce, disturbing the final judgment may create more hostility. However, a modification may be necessary for many life changes, from moving to changing jobs.
Contact Gucciardo Family Law for Help With Your Post-Divorce Legal Matters
Life after divorce should be liberating. Gucciardo Family Law can help you avoid the mistakes that can trap you in further hostilities after a contentious divorce. Contact us to discuss your situation and how we can help.
