Back in January of 2014, a curious study was published in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, claiming that all it took to cut the divorce rate in half was for newlyweds to watch a single \’relationship movie\’ every week and discuss it with each other afterwards.
That\’s a heck of a claim, and as you might expect, there are caveats — but not as many as you might expect.
- The movies weren\’t about people falling in love; they were about couples living through the highs and lows of an established relationship. Much more Terms of Endearment than When Harry Met Sally.
- The couples watching the movies in the study were given a short lecture about the value of exploring their own relationship by watching the relationships of others.
- The couples watching the movies were given a questionnaire after each movie that asked them to compare and contrast several situations in the movie with their current relationship, and then asked to have a 45-minute discussion about the movie, the questions, and their answers to those questions.
So clearly this is a little more than just \’watch a movie and chat about it. It took a bit more planning and effort than opening up Netflix and picking a random rom-com. The type of movie, the level of attention to the relationship rather than the backdrop or storyline, and the degree of analysis are all, too say the least, atypical for a pair of newlyweds trying to relax. But the effects couldn\’t really be denied.
The study also included three other groups — a control group that wasn\’t given any special training, a group trained in \”active listening\” techniques and conflict management, and a group trained in compassion and acceptance techniques. All groups were followed for 3 years afterward, and their divorce rate (among other things) was tracked.
Unsurprisingly, the divorce rate of the conflict management and compassion groups were less than half of the control group — 11% vs. 24%. What everyone was surprised by was the movie-watching group: they also managed a mere 11% divorce rate.
This may go to show that doing something is more important than doing nothing — on the other hand, it is a pretty ringing endorsement of the idea that examining your relationships and talking about other people\’s relationship with your partner as a way of forming agreements about matters without a lot of conflict.
So even if your spouse refuses to accept the necessity of counseling or therapy, perhaps a few well-chosen movies and deliberate after-show chats can help. It certainly can\’t hurt. If you\’re pretty sure you\’re past the point where Rom-Coms — or professional counseling — can save what you\’ve built, call us. We\’ll help you figure out what your options are from here.
