Once the division of assets, financial support, and child custody have been decided, you might think the worst part of your divorce is over. But then, the holidays roll around. A time of year that’s meant to be full of joy is suddenly tarnished by disputes over splitting parenting time and disappointment on one or both sides.
There’s no denying the holidays can be challenging, even for families that live together. For recently divorced parents, logistical nightmares and unexpected conflict can cast a shadow on the season. That is why it’s crucial to prepare for potential issues and be ready to pivot should the need arise.
Scheduling Conflicts
Events, activities, and demands on your time are bound to increase during the holiday season. Kids have parties and school performances that both parents are keen to attend. Festivities linked to specific holidays may have social and religious significance to one or both parents.
In addition, parents have their own obligations during this season, such as extended work hours, company parties, and family obligations. These factors can all lead to scheduling conflicts that make managing a holiday calendar a lot more challenging.
Custody Disputes
Whether the custody agreement is 50/50 or split another way, each parent is sure to have expectations regarding which holidays they spend with their children. While many co-parents ultimately create schedules that split family time fairly, newly divorced parents must keep a few caveats in mind.
Both parents must agree to any alterations to the schedule that conflict with court-ordered parenting time. For example, suppose that your ex is supposed to have the kids for Thanksgiving, but you want them to end the day with your parents this year. Even if your ex agrees, make sure to get any changes in writing.
If the other parent refuses to accommodate your wishes and wants to stick to the court order, you must follow it. It won’t be easy missing out on time with your children during the holidays, but ignoring the custody order can land you in legal hot water.
Managing Family Expectations
Divorced parents and their children aren’t the only family members invested in the holiday experience. Parents may also have to juggle the expectations of grandparents, aunts and uncles, stepfamilies, and their children’s friends.
This can be incredibly stressful for divorced parents already struggling with their own disappointment over missing out on special holiday events with their kids.
If your extended family is being pushy, just remind them that you have to comply with the custody order. Then, focus on something positive, like the time you’ll be able to spend together during an upcoming holiday.
Added Financial Burden
Holiday financial stress can be high for anyone, but it’s even harder for divorced families. Splitting one household into two can double costs without increasing income.
And now, each parent must handle their own holiday plans. Instead of pooling resources, parents pay separately for gifts, meals, decorations, and special seasonal activities. For long-distance co-parents, the costs involved in ferrying kids between houses could be significant.
Heightened Emotions
The holidays come with a lot of expectations, like upholding traditions and spending quality time together. The stress of meeting these expectations can lead to heightened emotions.
The first few holidays without your kids can leave you feeling bereft. Sadness, anger, and guilt are common. If you’re struggling to manage your emotions, you must be careful not to direct your frustration at your ex or your kids.
A happy holiday season doesn’t have to be perfect. It’s okay to take care of your own well-being, whether that means leaning on family and friends for support or finding ways to pamper yourself. You could also speak with a professional therapist for help creating strategies to get through the holidays.
Maintaining Traditions and Creating New Ones
Family traditions like decorating the house, enjoying feasts, and opening presents don’t have to go out the window just because you’re now splitting time between households. A little flexibility can go a long way toward ensuring that you and your kids enjoy the quality time you have together.
This can also be an opportunity to create new traditions. Keep a positive attitude and remember that your children may also feel sad and confused about the new holiday schedule. Your efforts could help to soften those emotions.
Seasonal Ailments
Flu season falls during the winter months, right when families are trying to plan and coordinate a jumble of holiday events. When any family member comes down with a cold, a flu, or something worse, it can throw a carefully planned holiday calendar into chaos.
Managing ailments at this hectic time of year can be tricky, especially if tensions are already high. The last thing you want to do when your kids are ill is force them to pack their bags and then shuttle them between households just to stick to a schedule.
As at any other time, it’s important to focus on the best interests of your children. When snafus like unexpected illnesses occur, parents should try to be flexible and make sure kids feel cared for, not caught in the middle.
Pressure on Kids
One of the biggest challenges that you face as a parent after divorce is making sure that your kids don’t feel like they must carry the burden of fixing things.
You may feel let down by the changes to the holiday season, but you cannot let your children feel responsible for your emotions. Let them know that you love them and that you are excited for the time you’ll spend together.
Put Your Kids First
If you feel stressed and emotional about the holidays following divorce, imagine how your kids must feel, getting shifted back and forth between households. Putting them first means managing your own emotions (with help, if necessary) to ensure that they have a joyful holiday, no matter whose house they’re at.
Is your ex making demands about holiday time and failing to stick to the court-ordered custody arrangement? Contact the qualified and compassionate team at Gucciardo Family Law to discuss your legal options.
