If you’ve just been through a divorce (or you’re in the midst of one now), you understand the toll it can take. When children are involved, a divorce becomes even more complicated.
For many parents who are struggling with the emotional and logistical challenges of separating from their partner, the thought of a drawn-out custody battle is too much to bear. It’s very tempting to enter into a “handshake” parenting arrangement.
However, as any experienced family lawyer will tell you, this kind of informal custody agreement can be a recipe for disaster. Here’s a closer look at why you should avoid a “we’ll just figure it out” approach to post-divorce parenting, and what you can do instead.
Why Informal Custody Agreements Fail
Instead of creating a formal co-parenting document, some parents decide that they’ll just figure it out as time goes on. This might seem to be a practical choice, especially if your divorce was relatively amicable and you and your ex are on good terms.
However, many divorced parents who start out with handshake custody agreements eventually end up in court. These are some of the primary reasons why they often fail.
Relationships Can Sour
If you’re on good terms with your ex, you might think that you don’t need a formal parenting plan. However, the success of informal agreements depends entirely on the goodwill between co-parents.
Relationships can deteriorate over time. When that happens, one parent might stop cooperating. Their lack of cooperation can seriously impact your child’s stability and quality of life, and you may have no choice but to seek legal help and take them to court.
Life Changes Can Come Up
Even if you and your former spouse remain on good terms, unexpected changes in circumstances can disrupt your informal agreement. For example, imagine you and your ex agreed that your child will live with you but spend every other weekend with your ex. You typically drive your child to and from your ex’s home.
This informal arrangement works, at least for a while. But imagine that your ex gets a job offer in another state and moves 250 miles away. Despite the distance, they still insist that you transport your child to and from their home.
Your ex’s expectation that you will continue to handle transportation puts an unreasonable burden on you. If they refuse to budge on this point, it’s time to consult a lawyer.
There’s No Way to Legally Enforce Them
This is one of the most critical points to keep in mind if you’re considering an informal custody agreement. When you have a court-approved parenting plan, the court will take action to help you enforce the plan if your ex-spouse stops complying.
For instance, if your ex is always several hours late when dropping off your children, your lawyer might help you file a contempt motion. If the court accepts the motion, your ex could be charged with contempt of court if they continue to disregard the parenting agreement.
Without a formal parenting plan, the court can’t help you if your agreement falls apart. Instead of going to court to enforce your existing agreement, you would need to work with the court to create a new (and legally recognized) parenting plan.
Your Children May Experience Instability
When parenting plans break down, it’s often the children who suffer most. Divorce is a destabilizing event for children even if all goes well, and if one parent suddenly fails to uphold their end of the parenting plan, your child might lose the sense of normalcy they were starting to regain.
Lack of Detail Often Leads to Conflict
Sometimes, divorcing parents sit down and try to create a formal co-parenting plan on their own. This is better than no plan at all, but it still can lead to major problems.
Why? In many cases, the parents don’t include details about things like holiday planning, transportation logistics, and emergency medical care. When there’s no framework in place for making a particular type of decision, you and your ex-spouse can easily become deadlocked.
What You Can Do Instead
When navigating child custody after divorce, many parents mistakenly believe that they have two options: taking an informal “we’ll just figure it out” approach or getting involved in a long, drawn-out court battle.
Fortunately, there’s a middle ground. In Michigan, you and your spouse can create a detailed parenting plan and submit it to the court for approval.
These parenting plans are highly individualized and can be tailored to your family’s needs, but most include the following:
- A definition of who has physical custody of the child and when
- A definition of who has legal custody (who makes important decisions regarding the child’s care)
- A schedule of parenting time (including who the child stays with during holidays)
- Procedures for resolving disputes between you and your ex-spouse
- Communication protocols between the parents
- Communication protocols between the child and their parents
- Logistical details for custody exchanges, transportation, and so on
At Gucciardo Family Law, our attorneys understand what Michigan courts look for in a parenting plan, and we can help you put together a thorough, cohesive agreement that’s likely to be approved.
Even after your parenting plan has been approved by the court, there’s still plenty of room for flexibility. The court allows you to modify the plan as your circumstances change.
Let Us Help You Create Your Custody Agreement
Taking the time to sit down with a family lawyer now can save you and your family money, time, and heartache in the long run. At Gucciardo Family Law, we maintain an exclusive focus on family law issues to better serve our clients.
We know that we can’t erase the pain and stress of divorce, but we can help mitigate the impact on our clients’ lives. If you want to discover how we may be able to help you, contact us today online or by phone.
