Alternative Custody Arrangements 101, Pt 1

We put up an article a couple weeks back about ‘nesting,’ an alternative custody arrangement in which the kids remain in one home while the parents move in and out. That got us a small flurry of questions about other alternative custody arrangements, so we figured we should just put up another couple of posts about them.

Defining ‘Alternative Custody Arrangement’
Technically speaking, every state has something usually called a ‘standard custody agreement’ that is the default schedule for parenting time and visitation (Here’s Michigan’s.) and every other arrangement is considered ‘alternative’ to some degree. But there are quite a few variations on the theme that are so commonplace as to defy the ordinary definition of the word ‘alternative.’ Sole custody, 50/50 custody, split custody (with each parent keeping sole custody of at least one child) and third-party custody (where neither parent is fit so the child moves in with a grandparent or other relative) are all pretty standard.

Why Alternatives Need To Exist
If these ‘standards’ are so ubiquitous, why do we need alternatives at all? Simply put, because the law has a really hard time keeping up with the complexities of reality. The Michigan standard agreement, for example, assumes that one parent is the ‘nurturer’/’Mom’ and the other is the ‘breadwinner’/’Dad,’ and schedules around the breadwinners’ presumptive work schedule — Monday through Friday, during school hours. So something as simple as working on weekends can invalidate the standard schedules.

Furthermore, the standard schedules often leave one parent burdened with all of the ‘maintenance’ (taking the child to the dentist, driving to intermural activities, etc.) and leaves the other (who is ironically often the one with the larger income) to be the ‘fun’ parent who gets to spend their time going to parks and movies. That can cause a lot of friction, especially with a tween or teen who doesn’t really understand the value of ‘maintenance.’

The Best ‘Alternative’ Is a Custom Schedule
Just about every bit of text written about child custody by the Michigan government assumes that the parents will sit down and work out a customized schedule just for the two of them. The reason for this is obvious: only the two of you really know what will work best for the two of you. But unfortunately, the reality of a painful divorce leaves the spouses (spice?) unwilling or unable to come to any kind of an accord — so the judge is left to pick one of the standards to fall back on.

While you and I might recognize concepts like ‘nesting’ as a standalone idea, as far as the law is concerned, ‘nesting’ and other alternative custody arrangements are all identical: they’re “customized custody agreements,” and when both parents agree (and are currently sane), they tend to work best.

Next time, we’ll talk about why that’s not always the case.