Is a threat of divorce during a fight a serious warning?

Arguments within a marriage are common, often even considered a sign of a healthy relationship. When it comes to disagreements, it is the way in which they are handled that says everything about your marriage. While most marriages are blissful, they can often become fractious, or at least have moments of uncertainty. While many married people have thought about divorce, thinking about it and saying it out loud are two different things.

A spouse throwing around the word divorce during a fight often comes with unexpected repercussions. Threatening divorce may not be fortuitous in and of itself, but it can create a permanent rift between you and your spouse, causing caustic and irreparable damages to your marriage. Here’s why.

It Can’t Be Retracted

We all say things we do not mean in the heat of the moment, especially when we are angry. It is natural to try to hurt someone else when our own feelings have been hurt, or if we feel we have been wronged. But once something is said, especially if it is hurtful, it cannot be taken back. In the case of divorce, once the idea is out there, it is likely that your spouse will ruminate on the idea.

Many situations can occur once the word divorce has been approached in an argument. One common outcome is that the idea of separating will swell from an idle threat to a self-fulfilling prophecy, even if you never genuinely considered it. Alternately, if you find yourself wanting to divorce down the road, once misused, your spouse may not take the word seriously.

You Have Cried Wolf

If divorce is thrown around every time you have a disagreement, it will hold little weight if ever you find yourself seriously considering ending your marriage. If the time should come when you really want a divorce, it is unlikely that your spouse will take you seriously. Additionally, idle threats could have a negative impact on other declarations that you make, allowing your words and statements to seem meaningless.

It May Become a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy 

Using divorce to push someone’s buttons, undermine their authority, or get them to do what you want may have the desired short-term effect, but may also spark thoughts of an actual divorce down the road. If your relationship is already in jeopardy, or there is a lot of anger and hurt, your spouse may latch onto the idea and run with it.

Say What You Mean

If you are familiar with the idiom, “Mean what you say, and say what you mean,” it is a good principle to apply to your marriage. Instead of using the word divorce when you are mad, annoyed or hoping to goad them into doing what you want, say exactly what you mean. Using the word divorce will almost always be disastrous and will rarely accomplish what you actually wanted. Alternately, if you are seriously considering ending your marriage, then you should definitely let your spouse know once everyone has cooled down.

Some marriages are beyond repair and divorce is inevitable. In these circumstances, when you say divorce and mean it, it is good to have a knowledgeable lawyer by your side. Call The Gucciardo Law Firm for a consultation.