Why do women seek divorce at a higher rate than men?

It is a generally known statistic that roughly half of all marriages in the U.S. end in divorce but did you know that nearly 70 percent of those are initiated by women? And college-educated women in that group request divorce at a 90 percent rate. Shocking numbers in their own right but at the base of it all is a single question: Why?

Why do women seek divorce at such a higher rate than men? The majority of Michigan legal experts agree that a common refrain in contentious marriages is that women simply see far fewer advantages to staying married than men. Weaved within that overall mindset is an array of ingredients that stir the cauldron of discontent until it’s too late to alter the recipe.

Lack of communication breeds resentment

Communication is an enormously important element of marriage and if it unravels and goes left unchecked, a relationship can spiral out of control in a big hurry. Consider the natural inclination of women to crave connection with their partner, without really knowing how to ask for it. Marriage is viewed as a safe and sacred place to truly be yourself but if a woman reaches for the connection she expects or wishes for and is left emptyhanded, that often becomes the start of a wall between a couple.

Unfortunately, many women believe their husbands should have some sort of mind-reading capacity and just know what to say and do at all times. Naturally, words and actions that make a person feel loved vary tremendously—a fancy dinner every Friday night might be a big hit for one, while doing the laundry and other housework means everything to another.

That gap in communication sets the stage for resentment and distance between a couple grows. Perhaps she is tired of doing the majority of the housework or caring for the children. Other relationships are strained when the wife’s career is equally demanding and she brings home a bigger paycheck. Men, on the other hand, are typically guarded emotionally and lean heavily on their spouse for support; when divorce looms, it could mean losing their foundation, even if they don’t get along any longer.

In the event of infidelity, child neglect, or other poor behavior, many women simply won’t put up with it and seek divorce rather than endure a failed relationship.

He thinks everything is fine, she’s ready to jump ship

If a couple recognizes a troubling marriage but the idea of working on it is lost on the man, some wives immediately believe divorce is the only way out. What’s the point if he is unwilling to make an effort? Unsettled feelings smolder and inside, women often “get over” the marriage before the subject of divorce formally comes up. This might be an abrupt surprise to the husband, who then reacts with grief and throws blame her way, only making matters worse.

Michigan courts remain pro-marriage and strongly recommend mediation and negotiation in efforts to save the marriage and keep control of a couple’s future in their own hands.