Prepare for a Friend of the Court Conciliation Conference

Traditionally, when a parent filed for divorce, the Michigan family courts entered a temporary child custody order and a temporary child support order — both in favor of the parent that was filing the divorce paperwork. Obviously, this wasn’t particularly fair. More importantly, it frequently served as an involuntary ‘first shot’ that sparked wars between parents that might otherwise have divorced in relative peace. That’s why most Michigan family courts have started a new tradition: asking the Friend of the Court to appoint a Conciliator and schedule a Conciliation Conference to help figure out the best way to disposition the child during the divorce process.

What to Expect at a Conciliation Conference
A Conciliation Conference begins with an explanation of what will happen at the Conciliation Conference, and moves briskly along to an inquiry. You and your spouse will be asked about your personal schedules, your living arrangements, your income and outgo, and any other issues you might have that would affect your ability to care for your child/ren. Unlike in the more contentious parts of the divorce process, the Friend of the Court generally takes everyone at their word during this process unless there is an obvious discrepancy.

Once they’ve gathered that information, the Conciliator (the individual running the Conciliation Conference, if that wasn’t obvious) will try to guide the parents toward a consensus about how the child should be cared for during the divorce process. If the parents agree, the Conciliator would draw up a suggested Order to the Family Court, which the judge (barring any really obvious signs that the agreement wasn’t in the child’s best interest) promptly signs so that the divorce can move forward.

If the parents cannot agree, or if one parent agrees and then files an objection before the judge can sign the suggested order, the Conciliator sits the parents down to attempt to come to a resolution. If — more realistically, when it becomes obvious that one parent is being stubborn out of spite or a desire to hurt the other, the Conciliator’s job is to note that and write a suggested Order in favor of the other parent.

Preparing for a Conciliation Conference
Fortunately, because a Conciliation Conference is nothing more than a court-related officer helping you and your spouse take stock of what your life situation is, all you need to do to be prepare is know what your situation is. If you can describe your schedule, your living arrangements, and your income, you’re prepared! You can bring printouts or other proof if you like, but it’s not necessary — this is a casual inquiry, not testimony. The best thing you can do is get a good night’s sleep, do whatever it is you do to access your ‘best self,’ and walk in with a smile on your face ready to talk honestly and openly.

Do I Need a Lawyer?
Typically, attorneys are not participants in a Conciliation Conference — honestly, our presence tends to make people more adversarial, just by nature of how we operate, so it’s probably better in the long run. That said, you can ask your family lawyer to help you prepare for a Conciliation Conference. You can also ask the Conciliator for permission to bring your attorney to the Conference; the Conciliator is not allowed to take the presence of an attorney as a factor against the parent who requested it.

Other Uses for a Conciliation Conference
As you move forward post-divorce, and the life circumstances of you and your ex continue to evolve, there may be reason for one or both of you to file for changes to your arrangement. If one of those filings results in a dispute, it’s becoming common for the court to arrange a Conciliation Conference through the Friend of the Court in those circumstances as well.