Reshaping Your Home After a Divorce

One of the first priorities most people have after finally getting away from a difficult spouse is re-inventing their lives. It’s a necessary step for anyone who has defined themselves by the presence of another person — and it often starts in the most literal, physical way: by redecorating your immediate environment after the divorce.

Step 1: Purge
If your spouse left behind anything that you don’t see value in, get rid of it — with extreme prejudice. Mail it to them if you’re feeling kind, scrap it if you aren’t. Then, go through everything that you still have left, and declutter. There are probably a good many things you no longer need two of. There are probably some decorations that you love, but that remind you too much of your relationship and need to be put into cold storage for a long time while you re-invent yourself. Trim your stuff down to the essentials, and give yourself as much room as possible to remake in.

Step 2: Create Safety
Now that you have plenty of room to create with, start by creating a secure, inspiring, emotionally-supportive environment. Look for anything you have that gives you a feeling of assurance: pictures of your friends and family members, awards you won with your skills and efforts, heirlooms, souvenirs of your favorite memories, and something to remind you of your goals — of what you’re moving toward. Lean on these other aspects of your life to fill the gap that remains where your relationship used to be.

Step 3: Decorate For Who You Want to Be
Next, replace anything that aesthetically reflects your old identity with something that matches the person you intend to become. If your married self was a homemaker, but post-divorce your goal is to become a socialite, replace the puffy recliner with a sleek, dark wood chair. If you used to be a too-busy businessperson, but your goal as a new single parent is to devote yourself to your child, replace the untouched leather-clad double ottoman in front of the TV with a futon that your kid’s friends can crash on after a night of video games. The more you surround yourself with things that point at your new identity, the easier it will be to leave your old one behind.

Step 4: Three Things to Change No Matter What
There are three things that should always change when you’re redecorating for a new you.

• Your bed, and preferably your bedding with it. Get rid of the smell, the shape, and the other reminders that will make getting to sleep more painful every night.
• Your towels and washrags, for the same reason. There’s always some bit of them that manages to stay on, no matter how much you launder them.
• Finally, always change the locks. Even if your spouse handed you their keys, there’s no guarantee they don’t have more — and there’s no guarantee they won’t do something truly stupid in a particularly bitter moment.