So You Think Your Spouse Wants a Divorce…

Sometimes, a divorce filing comes out of the clear blue sky, and the only warning you have is the phrase “you’ve been served.” But more often than not, you know. You might not want to admit it, but you know. Unfortunately for many, that desire to avoid admitting the end is near keeps them from taking important steps that can help secure their future as exes. And while it might come as a surprise, some of the most significant advantages can be gained by getting ahead of the game and filing first.

The Benefits of Filing First
The spouse that files for divorce can request an ex parte order (literally, “an order made without one party present”). These orders can give the filing spouse enormous control over the conditions that will exist during the (2- or 6-month, in Michigan) waiting period before the divorce can commence. Ex parte orders can be used to:

• Request emergency custody changes,
• Prevent your spouse from moving assets or spending marital money on non-necessities,
• Require that all marital bills continue to be paid in a timely fashion during the divorce,
• Prevent your spouse from doing anything that would leave you homeless, like selling the house you are living in (even if the house is considered entirely theirs to sell),
• And quite a bit more.

Equally important if your spouse is cunning, by filing first you prevent them from requesting any ex parte orders of their own!

Being the first to file means that the divorce is filed in your county, which means your spouse has to come to where you live for the court case. You also get to present your case to the judge first, so you can make sure the judge’s first impression is from your perspective. Finally, the spouse to file first has their lawyer draft the final Judgment of Divorce, which is a much stronger position than being the one to play editor to their spouse’s final draft.

Even If You Don’t File First…
All that said, there are still significant advantages to preparing for a divorce before your spouse files the papers. As soon as you realize that your spouse is serious about splitting up, call your family attorney and get them started on the background work necessary to protect your interests if the divorce gets rough.

Working with your attorney to get your financial and legal paperwork in order, ‘i’s dotted and ‘t’s crossed, ensures that your spouse doesn’t do anything to mess up your paperwork before the case begins. (You’d be amazed at what we’ve seen paranoid spouses do to filing cabinets and their contents when they get worried about an upcoming divorce!)

Your family lawyer can also help you ensure that you don’t get locked out of joint accounts or other marital assets. There’s nothing quite as gutwrenching as learning that your spouse just moved all of your money from the joint account, canceled your joint credit card, and locked down the home equity with a line of credit they applied for without your name on it.

All of that can be avoided — as long as you’re willing to admit that your spouse is on their way out the door, and you talk to a lawyer as early on in the process as possible.